


fighting the fear

by ladydetective



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, mono is mentioned briefly, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-17 13:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13078329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydetective/pseuds/ladydetective
Summary: Kara has been avoiding Cat ever since she returned to CatCo in the wake of the Daxamite invasion, and Cat has had enough of it.





	fighting the fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caycep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caycep/gifts).



> -Canon compliant until the end of season 2, but ignores season 3. Apologies if any of the s2 details mentioned are wrong, I could only bring myself to watch about half of it.  
> -Based on the prompt: "If you had asked me to stay, I would've"  
> -Happy Christmas!!!!!!!!!! Hope you enjoy!

Kara sat at the desk in her office that was still – mercifully – unnoticed by Snapper, feverishly typing away at a keyboard in a bid to finish her assignment so that she could pack up and go home without being noticed. _Superspeed definitely comes in useful in these circumstances_ , she mused. _It would take everyone else at least twice as long to get this done. I’m betting I can finish it in 30 minutes, tops._

She was anxious to get back to the apartment – though she wasn’t sure exactly _why_ , because it wasn’t like there was anyone there waiting for her. Kara sighed, and increased the fervour of her typing. _However lonely home may feel right now, it’s better for me in the long run if I’m there rather than here._

Kara’s problem was that she wasn’t _happy_ , and hadn’t felt so in quite some time. That in itself only added to her feelings of guilt, because she knew that she _should_ be. The Daxamites had been defeated and there were no other earth-shattering crises demanding her attention, her reporting skills were coming along in leaps and bounds and, perhaps most importantly, Cat was back.

CatCo had felt dull and almost lifeless ever since she left it, as if building itself was mourning her absence. Kara snorted to herself at that – Cat would probably get a kick out of inanimate objects being dependent on her presence – before falling back into her reverie. She’d taken to going home early to escape the weird feeling, something she’d done only a handful of times while working under Cat. At the time, she’d taken to bemoaning her late working hours right along with Alex, but now – now she’d give anything to go back to the way it was before.

Kara loved reporting, she did – it made her feel like she could make a difference as just plain old Kara Danvers, like she was more than the S on her chest – but it didn’t feel the same without Cat there to guide her and pull her back when she was going too far. She felt sure that the Biomax incident wouldn’t have happened with Cat watching over her – the key difference between Snapper and Cat was that, while Cat was certainly able to chastise her when she’d done wrong, her criticism almost always served a purpose. Snapper was just _mean_.

Kara’s mood had lifted instantly when Cat had come back to National City, right when she needed her most. Everything had felt like it would all work out, somehow. They would kick the Daxamites’ asses _together_ , just like they’d defeated Myriad. Kara was stronger when Cat was around – a better hero, a better _person_.

She’d naturally assumed that she would feel better once Cat was back in the office – that everything would fit back neatly into place and they’d be able to pick up right where they’d left off. Boss and employee, a superhero and her muse. Before Cat had decided that she needed to dive – and Kara had still yet to figure out what that meant, exactly – she had thought, stupidly perhaps, that maybe they were on the cusp of becoming more than that.

Rao, she’d been _stupid._

Cat had come back, and Kara still felt. . . weird. On edge. As if she couldn’t quite accept that any of this was happening. She was afraid that, if she closed her eyes, something would happen and Cat would leave again.

And why wouldn’t she? Everyone else that Kara loves eventually leaves her. Everyone on Krypton. Her parents. _Astra_ – that particular loss still felt like a fresh wound. Alex spent most of her spare time with her girlfriend – which she _should_ , _Rao_ she should – but sometimes, at her lowest moments, Kara felt like she’d left her, too. Even Mon-El was gone.

Kara thought, with what little perspective she had gained since the invasion ended, that Cat’s departure formed a large part in her reasons for falling into a relationship with the Daxamite. She’d been so _hurt_ after Cat left – for the two years that she had been working at CatCo, she’d become more reliant on her than she had ever realised. Cat had been a constant in her life – no matter how hard or how crazy things were, she could always rely on the older woman to be there behind her desk, keeping her busy with her incessant demands and the occasional inspirational speech. The degree to which Kara relied on this. . . _normalcy_. . . amongst the madness increased exponentially after she became Supergirl. So after Cat had left, Mon-El had seemed like. . . an appealing option. He had needed her, and she suddenly had empty hours that she would have once spent at CatCo left to fill. While everyone else was busy, he had nothing but time for her. She had always known at the back of her mind that the relationship wasn’t exactly healthy, but. . . it had been nice to feel wanted, to feel loved.

And now he was gone too.

Kara was jarred out of her reverie by the sound of her office door opening with a certain dramatic flair. That in itself was an unusual occurrence – few people at CatCo knew that she had been allocated he room, and fewer still would be seeking her out at this time of the day. That left only –

“Kara! Since that assistant you hired for me is an incompetent and has decided to come down with a convenient illness, I need you to. . .”

Cat, of course. It was more than a little strange to hear her call her by her given name, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t send a little shiver through her body each and every time. However, it did little to quell the swiftly rising panic within her – Cat was the very person that Kara didn’t think she could handle being around right now. Somewhat ironically for someone with a secret identity, Kara sucked at hiding things from her. The other woman would sense that she was less-than-okay immediately, and Kara didn’t have the energy to put a stronger-than-usual pretence. Nevertheless, she had to try. She looked up from her desk and forced a smile onto her face. Even to a stranger, it would appear forced.

And Cat was far from a stranger.

Cat halted mid-sentence when she locked eyes with the younger woman and saw for herself both the state of both Kara and the hovel that she called an office. It was. . . not what she would have expected. While she had still been Cat’s assistant, Kara’s desk had been impeccably clean and contained several personal effects – not enough to break company regulations, but enough to add hints of personalisation and make the space uniquely. . . _Kara_. Cat would have assumed that this new office to be similarly attired, but instead it hardly looked any different from when she had first given it to her. There were a few decorations here and there, but they were generic enough to suggest that they had been gifted to her by friends rather than chosen herself, and there were assorted papers scattered around the room. It was decidedly unlike her.

Kara herself looked even worse – listless didn’t even begin to describe it. She’d recognised that the younger woman was in pain that day in her office after the Daxamite invasion, but had foolishly believed that she’d made some form of difference. Looking at Kara now, her smile as false and flimsy as the excuses she’d once come up with to hide her _super_ activities, Cat realised that she had been wrong.

Clearly, allowing Kara to wallow in. . . whatever state she was currently in. . . had been a mistake. Cat had been hurt when she’d noticed that her former assistant was avoiding her, and although it had hurt, she’d been willing to give her the space that she had obviously wanted. It was strange – Cat had inhabited CatCo years before Kara Danvers had even set foot in the building, but these few weeks without seeing her every day. . . they felt off, somehow – as if by not seeing her, Cat was missing something vital. Something had to be done about this.

Quickly but efficiently forming a different plan in her mind, Cat cleared her throat and said, ‘Let’s go, Kara. I need your help with something. Urgently.’

Kara’s brow wrinkled with confusion – which was almost a relief in and of itself, because at least the girl was expressing _something_ – and as she was about to open her mouth to ask exactly where they were going, Cat cut her off with a strategically placed finger to her lips. ‘Shh. No time for questions. Chop chop.’

Numbly, all Kara could do was nod.

* * *

 

They wound up in a bar on the upscale side of town. It wasn’t the place that Cat normally brought clients – that place was sleazier, in an upper-class kind of way, always full of gross male business executives that always tried to flirt with Kara whenever she needed to accompany her boss. This was still expensive, but not ostentatiously so – it was the kind of place that Kara might like to drink in, if she had the money to do so – and the ability to get buzzed off human alcohol, she supposed.

Cat led her to a table in the corner of the room that was partially closed off from the rest of the restaurant, not far from a beautiful grand piano. There was live music playing, and Kara allowed herself to revel in it for a moment before her mind caught up with her ears – what exactly were they doing here?  She cleared her throat, and asked, ‘Ms. Grant? What are we doing here?’

Cat replied without the slightest tremor in her voice, ‘I told you on the way, Kara. A business meeting. I need you to take notes.’ She took her seat, and flagged down the waitress. ‘My usual and,’ she glanced quickly at Kara, ‘A strawberry daquiri for her.’

Kara quirked a questioning brow.

‘What?’ Cat replied to Kara’s non-verbal inquiry, ‘I’ve seen the way you throw back red vines. I figured you’d like a drink that’s as appallingly sweet. Am I wrong?’

Kara scowled. ‘. . . No.’ She didn’t give Cat the satisfaction of letting her know that it was her go-to order when drinking with humans. ‘Anyway, bullshit. You never take your clients here – you go to that ridiculously fancy place that serves food most people can’t pronounce.’

Cat was taken aback at Kara’s language. _Who would have thought that Sunny Danvers had it in her?_ ‘My my, Miss Danvers. Keep it up and you’ll soon be a sailor.’

Kara didn’t laugh as Cat had intended – instead, her expression darkened. _I probably curse more in one day than you have in your entire lifetime._ Cat’s words from almost a year ago came to mind, and she laughed bitterly. ‘I’ve changed since you left, Cat.’

Cat looked at Kara, something unreadable in her eyes. ‘I can see that,’ she said softly. It was then that she had her light bulb moment and realised exactly why Kara had been acting this way. Of course. ‘Did my leaving hurt you that badly?’

Kara was quick to deny it – too quick. Cat certainly wasn’t fooled. She reached out to hold the younger woman’s hand. Kara broke eye contact, but did not pull away. ‘A lot of people have left you, haven’t they?’

Kara said nothing, and the duo sat in silence for several long minutes. Neither made any move to push the conversation forwards, but they continued to hold hands. On instinct, Cat began to rub soothing circles onto Kara’s palm. She didn’t protest to this, and privately found it comforting – if confusing. _If Cat leaves again, how am I ever going to recover from this?_

During their silent interval, the waitress arrived with their drinks. Kara felt enough of herself surface to shoot her a quick smile in gratitude, before taking the glass and sipping. ‘This is good,’ she declared in a desperate bid to change the topic of conversation.

‘Kara,’ replied Cat, clearly not taking the bait, ‘I’m sorry for leaving. I should have considered how it would hurt you, after. . . everything.’ She waved the hand that was not currently clasped in Kara’s in a dismissive gesture, not wanting to make reference to the information she had about Kara’s super extra-curriculars.

‘Then why did you?’ Kara whispered. She _hated_ the vulnerability in her voice – she had been vulnerable with Mon-El, and all it had done was blow up in her face. Cat may have told her that having the guts being vulnerable made women brave, but she didn’t feel very brave right now. All she felt was. . . scared, scared and worried about what the future may hold if she was left on her own again.

Cat sighed, and closed her eyes. She’d never been very good at emotional honesty – it was far easier to hide behind a persona. Still, Kara meant enough for her to try. ‘Because. . . I . . . because. . .’ she faltered, unsure of how to continue. Award winning journalist Cat Grant, Queen of all Media: speechless. Finally, she laughed. It was an uncertain, almost self-deprecating laugh. ‘You know? I you’d asked me to stay that day, I would have.’

Kara felt an odd wave of hope rise in her chest – the first she’d felt since she realised that Cat’s presence in National City wouldn’t fix the crippling fear that she’d leave again. She quashed it, knowing it was for the best. ‘No, you wouldn’t’ve. We both know you wouldn’t’ve. It’s pretty difficult to change the Queen of all Media’s mind once it’s set on something, you know.’

Cat smirked at an attempt at her usual bravado, but it fell a little short. ‘Yes, well. Cat Grant’s is easier – you’ve managed more than once.’ She sighed. ‘I left because I was afraid, Kara.’

Kara’s brow crinkled, Cat’s words from the night they dealt with Myriad coming to mind. Without thinking, she opened her mouth. ‘I thought you were a big opponent of making decisions based on fear.’

Cat’s lips twisted into a wry smile. ‘Careful, Kara. It was your alter-ego I said that to. If I didn’t already know, you’d be in trouble right now.’

Kara stared at Cat, some of her former doe-like disbelief shining through. ‘Wait, you already know?’

The other woman rolled her eyes, smiling fondly. ‘Oh, Kara. I’ve known since I first spoke to Supergirl – spoke to _you_ – in the flesh. Your little double act fooled me for all of a week. I’ve always known.’

Kara felt a years-old worry fall off her – Cat finding out the truth had only become more of a burden once they’d started to become closer. But would she be able to forgive the lie? They’d come this far – maybe the best thing really was just to _ask_. ‘And you’re. . . okay. . . with this?’

Cat took a moment to respond, as if she was considering her answer. ‘I won’t say it didn’t hurt that you wouldn’t trust me with this, but I understand why. I wasn’t exactly forgiving the last time I confronted you about it.’ There was a note of apology to her voice, as if she really was sorry for the last time this came up.

Kara nodded, tentatively accepting the other woman’s words as truth. Not having to lie to Cat anymore. . . this could change things. The sensation of hope she felt a few moments before began to rise, warring with the dejection that had taken over her in recent weeks. She asked her next question quietly, but eagerly awaited the answer. ‘So. . . why were you afraid?’

‘I had hoped you’d forgotten that,’ answered Cat. There was a mischievous glint to her eyes that Kara found unfairly attractive. ‘By the way, did I ever tell you about the time Gwendoline Christie and I. . .’

Kara laughed – a real, genuine laugh – her first in what felt like a very long time. ‘I would like to hear that story some time, but right now I think I’d like you to answer my question.’

Cat’s expression softened. ‘My my. Such persistence. I’ll make a top-grade reporter out of you yet. But fine – I ran away because I had – _have_ – feelings for you. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time – maybe ever – and the intensity of it frightened me.’

Kara inhaled sharply – she never could have dreamed that _this_ was the reason for Cat’s departure. She’d had a crush on her boss for the longest time, but never really believed that it was reciprocated. Judging by the way that Cat was displaying uncharacteristic nervousness while waiting for her response, Kara guessed that she had thought the same. ‘I – I have feelings for you too, Cat. T-that’s why these past few months have been so hard. I’ve been dealing with – a lot of things, and never really getting enough time to sort through them before the next crisis came along. I depended on you – not just your advice, but _you_ \- to help me get through it all, and then you were _gone_. Would your feelings really stop you from leaving again?’

Cat nodded. ‘Yes. When I left CatCo, I told you I was diving. I wasn’t – I was running. This,’ she removed her hand from Kara’s and moved it up to cup the younger woman’s cheek, ‘Is diving. Do you want me to continue?’

Suddenly, Kara was at a crossroads. She could push Cat away and continue down the path that she had been spiralling down in the past few weeks out of fear, or she could dive. _Some of the worst decisions in my life were made out of fear_ – Cat’s words from that night on the balcony came to mind. They seemed more relevant than ever, now – because Kara was tired of being afraid.

She bridged the remaining gap between them, saying only one word:

_Yes._


End file.
